i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize