if i can run in heels then i can drive
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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