Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
