So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have fence marks all over my body
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
