it hurts more in the daytime
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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