Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
