3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We have started to decorate penises.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
