In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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