I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
