I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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