I seem to have left my pride at pride
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
