last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
