chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
