She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
