Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
