using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They have beer where we have blood.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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