She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
