Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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