this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Less talking, more tequila
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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