Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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