note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
