I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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