eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I believe in your delicious
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
