Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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