I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
