He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
