ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize