before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
