I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
