so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize