so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
