I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize