Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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