I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My vagina is officially offended.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
