Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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