She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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