it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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