Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize