Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
