I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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