Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
