Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
