Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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