I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
