Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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