just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize