Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
