oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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