I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
