Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
