she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
