I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
