Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
