I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do vagina's smell?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
