i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
