Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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