I just pynch a tree in the face
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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