I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
