He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
