Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
