We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
