theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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