did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
