well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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