Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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