But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
